is it ok to.....

colombianito

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#2
ummm i don't know why that post came out like that... all in one paragraph? sorry..
 

mittenman

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#3
Sounds like the gf is way to jealous. I have plenty of "girl friends" and would not think twice about going to lunch with any of them. Trust is key in a relationship, without it there is really no relationship IMO. Hell, my fiance could go have a nice dinner with one of her "guy friends" and I'd be fine with it, even saves me some $$$$;).
 
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Hayesimus

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#5
well if i was her i'd worry more about you riding a bike than who you rode with. lol. she should rather you ride with a buddy than alone. but i haven't ever had a jealous GF. They all know that I have just as many female friends as i do male friends and that I hang out with both. so... yeah. never worried about that.
 

The Apple

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#6
Bottom line, if your girlfriend is not happy with the situation, you need to compromise to fix it. I am not saying that she is right, and I am not saying you are right. I am saying you need to work together to come to a resolution. Good luck with that.
 

colombianito

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#7
so the compromise would be not to be able to ever in life have a word with a female unless i have witnesses and or her in there? im not taking that compromise.
 

colombianito

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#8
some very good and valid point here...both sides...thanks...anyone else?
 
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Hayesimus

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#9
i will say this. if you love her, you will do whatever it takes to make her happy. on the flip side, if she loves you then she would do anything to make you happy. so. i guess what you need to do some soul searching about is whether you both love each other enough. I mean otherwise i wouldn't fret over her. But i wouldn't just through away a relationship over something that isn't even tangible.
 

colombianito

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#10
it is quite tangible... in her mind i should NOT even speak to a female, for no reason...

we had another big argument a while ago because a coworker, coworker, so i have no choice on picking males or females.. and where i worked at that time i was the only male out of 6 people..so..

well, she txt me to let me know she was running late... my reply? "good morning, i got it" ...she was freaking out ! she was like ...why do you have to say good morning? why is it so important to say good morning? blah blah blah.... just because i said good morning... and my co worker was a her...
 

Eragon

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#11
i will say this. if you love her, you will do whatever it takes to make her happy. on the flip side, if she loves you then she would do anything to make you happy. so. i guess what you need to do some soul searching about is whether you both love each other enough. I mean otherwise i wouldn't fret over her. But i wouldn't just through away a relationship over something that isn't even tangible.
I agree with this overall philosophy, but you need to think clearly about whether this relationship is right for you. I've been burned seriously by a girl friend whom I could only make happy by divorcing myself from my friends and family. There is something wrong with someone who can't accept you for yourself with all of your unique properties.

Some change for purposes of enhancing a relationship is OK. Compromise is very important. One-sided domination is not. Good luck!
 

themanofthedark

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#12
Similar situation happened to me.

I have many friends of the female variety, and when i get bored, i call them, as well as my friends that are guys. We chill at my house, and do things, like i don't know, play Guitar Hero, or the actual guitar and whatever... my girlfriend couldnt live with that, because as soon as she saw that my friends were not pig-ugly, but the opposite, rather attractive, she would call me every ten minutes and ask what i was doing...

me and her broke up yesterday.

i don't think that there is a real solution for jealousy, its just women, in my opinion, tend to think of men as more of a children that are easily tempted.

and in some cases, they may be right.

but most cases, not.

Good day.
 

ColsTiger

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#13
Be sensitive of your GF's wishes, but don't let her dictate everything you do. Finding riding buddies is a hard thing to do in motorcycle riding. Unless your GF has a previous reason to wary of your around other females then she should be cool with it.
 
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Hayesimus

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#14
Similar situation happened to me.

I have many friends of the female variety, and when i get bored, i call them, as well as my friends that are guys. We chill at my house, and do things, like i don't know, play Guitar Hero, or the actual guitar and whatever... my girlfriend couldnt live with that, because as soon as she saw that my friends were not pig-ugly, but the opposite, rather attractive, she would call me every ten minutes and ask what i was doing...

me and her broke up yesterday.

i don't think that there is a real solution for jealousy, its just women, in my opinion, tend to think of men as more of a children that are easily tempted.

and in some cases, they may be right.

but most cases, not.

Good day.

sorry to hear that dude. eat ice cream. it helps. :S
 

Eragon

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#15
Love is a strange concept I wish we could hack and simplify. Bottom line is it will find you when you least expect it, and require nothing but that you be yourself. It's worked for me. :)
 

Indy

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#16
well, i don't have any friends or know anyone in the area, like i really don't have anyone to hang out with or anything like that right? i just don't drink or party all that much so i basically just stay home most of the time... been like that way before me and my gf were together..now, i have a motorcycle, and i want to get to go out and ride and ride with some other people...i have met few people by just stoping at the gas station and talking to someone there, or stoping at the store and saw someone on a bike and be like hey where are u going? lets go...and so on, you know how it is...even people from the boardswell, say i stopped at the gas station and there are 5 riders, lets say there is at least one female rider, we all go for a ride and whatnot. at the end of the day i would be like "hey, it was great to ride with you guys (and one girl), my name is mighty mouse and here is my number, call me next time you guys go for a ride"... keep in mind i gave my number to every rider (yes the female too)...well, my gf has a problem with my point of view... i said, well, if in the remote case, the female that was in the group was to ever call me as a last resort to go for a ride becase she couldnt find anyone else ot go ride, and u r in school or u are just not here or we have no previous commitments...i would accept to go for a ride... please keep in mind i am making it clear that is not like i would drop everything to go for a ride with her just because she called me...then i say, well imagine we left a 9am on a sunday, my gf is in school and we just go for a ride....in the remote remote remote case that we do not find anyone else to tag along and lunch time comes, we have been riding since 9am and its noon and we r hungry, "hey lets go grab some burger king! " and after that go for another ride...my gf has a problem with that scenario...i see it as she not trusting my judgment and me not being able to draw a line where things start to deviate from "riding" she says that just the fact of going and having lunch with her is wrong, wait, just giving my phone number to that rider was wrong... i don't think it is wrong, i am not looking at her as a female, i am looking at her as a rider with whom i can go ride sometime or who can give me a heads up next time there is a ride planned...if she was to call me and be like hey wanna go have lunch? i would be like ummm no i don't think it is a good idea, but if the whole purpose was to go riding and we get hungry and then we grab a bite and then continue our riding, i don't see a problem with that... is not like we r having a romantic dinner...so, am i wrong?
I havn't read anyone's elses replies, but I know that my wife would be pissed.

Put yourself in her shoes. Would you be pissed if she, let's say, wanted to work out in a gym with another athletic guy while you were in school or something? I'd say yes you would.

Yes, you should be able to trust your lover, wife, gf, whatever but when it's something you think the other would like to be doing with you and they simply can't and your willing to do that thing with someone else, that causes issues.

And for the record, my wife an I have been happily married for 9 years now and simply put, we wouldn't want to be away from one another having fun with someone else. If were not together doing whatever, it's never as fun, you catch my drift?
 

Buffy

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#17
I havn't read anyone's elses replies, but I know that my wife would be pissed.

Put yourself in her shoes. Would you be pissed if she, let's say, wanted to work out in a gym with another athletic guy while you were in school or something? I'd say yes you would.

Yes, you should be able to trust your lover, wife, gf, whatever but when it's something you think the other would like to be doing with you and they simply can't and your willing to do that thing with someone else, that causes issues.

And for the record, my wife an I have been happily married for 9 years now and simply put, we wouldn't want to be away from one another having fun with someone else. If were not together doing whatever, it's never as fun, you catch my drift?
And THAT, my friend, was a very well stated reply - I agree! Kudos.
When both people are healthy and mature, and truly love the other, compromise is reached without too much bloodshed.
In a healthy relationship.

I have been in a relationship where my spouse had to be the source of anything and everything that brought me pleasure. If I happened to have a hobby, a friend, or even family outside of him which brought me joy, he found a way to sabotage the hobby or the relationship. He could not stand to see anything but him bring me joy, and could not find happiness in my happiness. That is a toxic relationship, and I think you have to examine closely whether the relationship you're in, columbianito, falls within those parameters or not.

You should be very honest with yourself about whether or not she has good reason to feel the way she does due to the history you share, and then simply placing yourself in her shoes, as Indy said, and asking yourself honestly how you would feel. If you truly love her and value her, this would be a small price to pay. How important are those female friendships to you, anyway? However, being under constant scrutiny and attack is no way to live, either.
 

Indy

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#18
And THAT, my friend, was a very well stated reply - I agree! Kudos.
When both people are healthy and mature, and truly love the other, compromise is reached without too much bloodshed.
In a healthy relationship.

I have been in a relationship where my spouse had to be the source of anything and everything that brought me pleasure. If I happened to have a hobby, a friend, or even family outside of him which brought me joy, he found a way to sabotage the hobby or the relationship. He could not stand to see anything but him bring me joy, and could not find happiness in my happiness. That is a toxic relationship, and I think you have to examine closely whether the relationship you're in, columbianito, falls within those parameters or not.

You should be very honest with yourself about whether or not she has good reason to feel the way she does due to the history you share, and then simply placing yourself in her shoes, as Indy said, and asking yourself honestly how you would feel. If you truly love her and value her, this would be a small price to pay. How important are those female friendships to you, anyway? However, being under constant scrutiny and attack is no way to live, either.
You have to have respect for one another and not be so selfish ya know?

I don't mean to turn this into a counseling session but all I'm saying to the OP is that if you two truly love one another and plan on being together, I'm sure she wouldn't be happy with that decision.

But then again, some people have more open relationships than others, touchy subject.

Good Luck if it means anything to ya! =P
 

Hondamaker

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#19
Buffy and Indy are right....plus, it doesn't make you less of a man to hang with you g/f more, or to let her have her way more often. Compromise as well as reciprocation--the keys to any relationship.
 

Eragon

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#20
But remember, a healthy relationship balances the two. One partner must be strong enough to push back and communicate when his/her personal space or needs can not be adequately met. The other partner must be able to listen or see between the lines to receive the important feedback. Listen. Listen and listen. Don't be silent, but provide feedback.

Part of this balance is getting to know your girl friend. Know what her likes/dislikes are, and what buttons not to push. Be sensitive to this. it should not be a priority to go out of your way to make your girl friend uncomfortable. She needs to do the same for you. However, if you are unwilling or unable to compromise enough to address the issue, that's OK too. That simply means it is time for both of you to move on.