My Review of 1st Generation iPhone

Welcome to our Community
Wanting to join the rest of our members? Feel free to sign up today.
Sign up

Mill76

New Member
Aug 9, 2007
2
0
0
New York City
#1
So there's this thing called the iPhone, see. And it's not just a phone and iPod and internet browser and camera and fashion accessory and personal organizer and babysitter and dogwalker and game console and cell phone rolled all into one. No, it's much, much, oh so much more.

There's been a lot of hype associated with the iPhone, and after fondling one the other day, I can now tell you it exceeds your expectations. It also exceeded my expectations, but it's your expectations that I'm most concerned about. Why did you doubt Apple in the first place? You thought that cell phones were the exclusive realm of the Nokias, Motorolas, Samsungs, Pantechs and LGs of the world? Foolish. Why would you think such a thing? How many times has Apple gone toe to toe with the big boys, only to end up changing the game forever? Well, there was that one time when Apple was in 2nd grade, and played tennis against a much larger opponent, winning in straight sets 6-4,6-2. Then there was the original Macintosh computer, when Apple was in 11th grade. Finally, when Apple was a junior in college, there was the iPod, for which, perhaps, Apple is now best known. Now, that is, until the release of the iPhone.

It is a beautiful, sleek, lustrous device. It shimmers like an otter's wet fur in moonlight, slipping silently across a river, hunting for a meal of silvery trout. Otters also like to eat frogs, crayfish, and crabs, and are known for their ability to open up shellfish with their tough tiny cute little mammal hands. They've even been known to use rocks as rudimentary tools in order to break open clams and other shellfish! They grow anywhere from 2.5 to 6 feet long as adults, and can weigh from 10 to 30 pounds. The northern river otter is probably the kind you've seen at the zoo, as they are the most playful and entertaining breed of otter. But you're probably also familiar with the Pacific sea otter, which was almost hunted to extinction, until the 1911 Fur Seal Treaty gave them protection under law.


Your people used to kill us for our fur

But perhaps I digress. Bristling with technology, and bulging with innovation, the iPhone is unlike anything else on the market. Its human interface is one smooth plane of crystal-clear, touch-sensitive glass. It can communicate with computers and Robocop via a USB 2.0 jack. Speaking of which, Robocop (1987) stars Peter Weller as a true-blue devoted police detective named Alex J. Murphy. Set in the near future, in the crime-ridden city of Detroit, the film gives us a glimpse of a future gone terribly wrong. The only one who can save humanity from itself is the titanium-alloy arm of the law, Robocop - a recently reanimated Officer Murphy who was rescued from the brink of death and converted into a law enforcement machine. With ruthless efficiency, he's able to cut crime across the city. But all is not well. Robo begins to see flashes of his former life, and dreams of his (Murphy's) wife and young son. With the help of his former police partner (played by Nancy Allen, also from Robocop 2 and Robocop 3) Robo is able to regain a shred of his former humanity ending the film on a high note, and opening the door for a sequel.



Robocop aka the Future of Law Enforcement, starring Peter Weller

Just as Robocop 2 and 3 each built successively off of the brilliance of the original, so will the iPhone grow and develop as Apple hones its technology. Its Li-ion battery is said to hold a full charge until after 400-500 charges, at which point it will need to be sent back to the manufacturer for a replacement battery. This is my only complaint. Hey Apple, why can't I change my own goddamn battery? Otherwise, the iPhone truly is a work of art wrapped in a shock-proof case of modern design, coated in a thin reflective coating of genius, available in either 4 or 8 gigabytes capacity to love.
 

RchGrav

New Member
Bronze
Jun 8, 2007
242
0
0
#2
That review was more about robocop and otters eating frogs than iPhone.

Here, I'll write an iPhone review too...

The iPhone is a great device, its like something from the future. It would have been really cool if they had iPhones back in 1955, but they didn't. Speaking of 1955... Do you remember that movie back to the future? Marty McFly (Fox) is your everyday teenager, except for one problem. He is stuck in 1955. After his good friend Doc Emmett Brown (Lloyd) is gunned down, Marty ends up sending the DeLorean back Thirty years into the past. Now, he must find the Doc and convince him that he is from the future, in order for the Doc to send him back to the future, but this is the least of Marty's problem. After accidentally getting in the way of the important meeting between his future mother (Thompson) and father (Glover), Marty must get them back together before he changes time forever, and destroys his own existence.




Other than that I love the device that is the iPhone. If only the battery was made out of uranium instead of Lithium Polymer, but then it would be probably much more expensive to get replaced. I would hate to get shot it in a parking lot meeting up with terrorists just to get some uranium to put into my iPhone. It would be really cool if you could make calls with the iPhone through time. That would be a great feature to add.
 

Mill76

New Member
Aug 9, 2007
2
0
0
New York City
#8
I was just having some lighthearted fun with the review. Obviously, not too serious of a breakdown of the iPhone's technical specs and capabilities. The iPhone is great!
 

Eiko

New Member
Bronze
Jul 31, 2007
32
0
0
#9
I was just having some lighthearted fun with the review. Obviously, not too serious of a breakdown of the iPhone's technical specs and capabilities. The iPhone is great!
How would we expect otherwise? Unless I missed something, you wrote that long "review" based on a few minutes with one at a store? FYI, "testing" typically takes a lot longer than the actual writing of the "review" . :)