Progressive-Rock Fans Are Terrible Trash-Talkers

patrickj

Genius
Gold
Sep 2, 2007
6,221
445
83
Austin, Tx
ipadinsight.com
#1
Any of you fans of the Mcsweeneys.net lists? They're user submitted stuff (not updated any more I think, sadly) that cover an amazing and bizarre range of subjects - and many of them are just brilliant. Here's and example:

[FONT=times, times new roman][SIZE=+1]Progressive-Rock Fans Are Terrible Trash-Talkers.[/SIZE] [/FONT]

[FONT=times, times new roman][SIZE=-1]BY WAYNE GLADSTONE[/SIZE][/FONT]​
[FONT=times, times new roman][SIZE=-1]- - - -[/SIZE][/FONT]​
[FONT=times, times new roman]"Hey, buddy, what does your continued existence have in common with the trees in Rush's 'The Trees'? Neither should be taken literally."
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"OK, dude. You beating the crap out of me is like Peter Gabriel doing another album with Genesis: everyone keeps talking about it, but it's never gonna happen."[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"When I'm done with you, you won't be able to keep track of whether it was Bruford or White that played drums on 'Heart of the Sunrise.'"
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"You're gonna need so many transfusions that only King Crimson will have benefited more by the influx of new blood. Seriously, don't you think it was like a whole new band when Adrian Belew joined?"
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"Your ass-kicking is gonna be just like 'Karn Evil 9': loud, fast, and perfected in one take ... except it won't go on for 29 minutes and 37 seconds, as it did in the original release."
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"Don't be alarmed by the bustle in your hedgerow, Cochise. That's just a spring clean for the May queen!"
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"Kickin' your ass is gonna be a lot easier than the guitar part in 'YYZ.' No joke, some of that crap's in, like, 10/8. Man, Alex Lifeson is underrated."
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]
[/FONT]
[FONT=times, times new roman]"Get ready to look like the lead singer of Marillion. When you walk down the street, very few people will be able to recognize you." [/FONT]
 

psylichon

Genius
Moderator
Oct 31, 2007
16,591
751
113
40
Philly
#2
Wow, I got like half of those.

[hangs head in shame]
 

acosmichippo

Genius
Platinum
Sep 10, 2007
15,385
1,089
113
DC
#4
i got all of them... no shame at all.
 

acosmichippo

Genius
Platinum
Sep 10, 2007
15,385
1,089
113
DC
#6
I discovered the tentacles about a year ago, but have only gotten one album so far. I don't recall the title... Never been very good with names... They're more techno/jam band than prog rock to my ears.

Haven't heard the other guys you mentioned... I'll look em up on pandora.
 

psylichon

Genius
Moderator
Oct 31, 2007
16,591
751
113
40
Philly
#7
how many Ozric Tentacles albums do you own?

or

Do you listen to Sleepytime Gorilla Museum?
Whoa. I'm a huge ozric fan from my college days. In fact, my good friend Brandy married Ed Wynne and now plays bass for them. They've also had my Kurzweil K2500 for about 4 years now. I gotta get in touch with brandy, thanks for reminding me!
 

acosmichippo

Genius
Platinum
Sep 10, 2007
15,385
1,089
113
DC
#8
wow, that's awesome. they do good work.
 

kokogirl

New Member
Gold
Sep 8, 2007
2,319
1
0
47
Sunny Florida
#9
I need to get some more music. I have no idea who these bands are. (Lisa goes off to search music)
 

coasts

Zealot
Gold
Jul 15, 2007
2,026
0
36
New York, NY
www.lomohomes.com
#10
NO! WAIT! There's no reason you need to be learning about any of the bands mentioned here. Consider the contributors to this thread and rethink your position (sorry Erik and Dave).

If you want to go Cr@Zy, try something fun like The Meters.
 

acosmichippo

Genius
Platinum
Sep 10, 2007
15,385
1,089
113
DC
#11
There's some stuff she might like... Peter Gabriel, for instance. How could you not like him?