I understand that perfectly. Our goto app, for a household that includes a TDI sufferer, was NotifyMe. They had a cloud-based service that provided multiple user notification and multiple device syncing. We needed something that helps coordinate appointments, reminders for tasks with snooze options, and has multiple & recurring scheduling. There are some that do some of what we need but I can't find any that don't leave out a nice-to-have or maybe a critical feature.
I've been using "Alarmed" recently but it lacks a variable nag, eg. 5,10,15 minutes as opposed to 60 minutes only. Also, while it can automatically import from the iOS reminder app and sync between devices, each device will continue to alarm independently of the action on the other. That is, if I acknowledge the alarm on my iPhone, I still have to open the app on my iPad to turn it off there. On the other hand, I like that i can use Siri to set a reminder that would be imported as an alarm to be made recurring with snooze. Admittedly, NotifyMe would only snooze on the scheduler's device but the secondary user would at least know that the event did pop up for all parties.
The search continues.
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