The Movie: Juno , SUCKED!

iCafe

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#1

EVERYONE convinces themselves they loved the movie
so that they don't feel STUPID.
 

psylichon

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#2
You just love to alienate yourself, doncha?

It's easy to do when you're wrong all the time, isn't it?
 

iCafe

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#3
You just love to alienate yourself, doncha?

It's easy to do when you're wrong all the time, isn't it?
You would like the movie...Thomas Dave (and i meant that in a condesending way) no offense

Hey! It's teens having sex and getting pregnant! There's extended dialogue about alt-rock bands! And a nerdy kid in running shorts! Plus a scene in a hospital with some crying! But it's happy crying!

Really?

I can't possibly stand alone in detesting Fox Searchlight's surprise hit "Juno," the coming-of-age teen dramedy with a relentlessly annoying central character who is somehow stupid enough not to use protection and yet manages to command the vocabulary of a 50 year-old comedy writer-slash-Cornell humanities professor.

I mean, really?

It was early December, a blissful time when almost no one had heard of this film yet. Neither had I.

"You'll like it, it's a comedy. You like comedy," my friend said, pointing at my oversized David Letterman sweatshirt.

But then, for the next 96 minutes, as my film-going companion (along with the rest of the moderately-filled theater), laughed uproariously at the young white girl sarcastically claiming to be Morgan Freeman on her shiny plastic hamburger phone, I rolled my eyes and shifted in my seat. Little did I know that weeks down the line, the American public would make this pretentious, irritating16 year-old the second most beloved fictional protagonist next to Nicolas Cage looking for some more treasure.

Juno is a "misunderstood" high-school student who finds herself impregnated by (cue laugh track) the running geek who apparently owns no clothing other than sweatsocks and his team's uniform. Tedious scenes follow where Juno has to tell her parents and friends, in her appallingly self-righteous way, that she is with child. Confrontations with the track and field dork ensue, along with predictably uncomfortable episodes with the rich couple who wants to adopt Juno's
baby- awkward because Juno even further puffs up her bratty self to show how inappropriate she can be at all times. And because she is the lead character in a super progressive "indie" movie, no one ever slaps her. The prospective adoptive mother is played by Jennifer Garner, who
(sadly) refuses to utilize the ass-kicking skills she learned on the set of "Alias" to beat some sense into any of the other characters.
In that regard, Juno is lucky to be pregnant. Pregnant ladies, as a rule, should not get smacked by Jennifer Garner.

When the nerdy baby daddy turns cold on our poor pregnant alterna-teen, who of course, for the dramatic visual, continues to attend classes at eight months, I breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, someone who miraculously grew some common sense and walked away from this haughty, entitled know-it-all who conveniently erases those traits when it comes time for a kitchen table talk with Dad about true love, or an awkward exchange with the sonogram technician- that's when, lump in throat (!) Mommy comes to the rescue and dresses the ***** down.

I should have seen it coming. Everything from the "dude"-peppered screenplay on down to the teeth-clench inducing orange and green animated graphic that accosts my daily web activities reeks of cold film executive calculation.

"So, it's gonna have funky rock music, right?"

"Right! So people will know it's a 'funky, alternative' kind of movie."

"And an angry teen who talks back to her parents in hyper-literary langauge that could never come out of the mouth of a real 16 year-old."

"Exactly, that will make critics like it. But don't forget, eventually there's acceptance and crying! And someone has a baby!"

Critics, check. Suckers for rom-coms, check. Edgy teen pregnancy subject matter street cred, check. Michael Cera in running shorts, triple check.

So, it's not a "surprise" hit after all. It's almost as deliberately commercial as, well, National Treasure: Book of Secrets, quite frankly. Don't be fooled by the absence of Nic Cage and "'splosions."
I know I wasn't.

Despite its 0 for 3 status at the Golden Globes, the film will continue to make millions of dollars and collect a slew of other award nominations, maybe even a few major wins.

But I will never cave. I don't care what America says.

I still say this movie sucks, "Juno?"
 

psylichon

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#4
You're looking for reality? It's a comedy... you show me a realistic comedy, both in writing and in premise.

and your description of the lead character:

"appallingly self-righteous"

is just too good coming from you. Thanks for that one!
 

psylichon

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#5
And just to be fair, I think your review is both very funny and quite poignant in many respects. I'm not a film guy, so I will bow out here and let the real freaks chime in:
 

iCafe

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#6
Screenwriter, Cody Diablo tries too hard to be random that it becomes "randumb" in her portrayal of teens using their new fangled Internet-induced vernacular. For example, Juno's pedo-dreamgirl best friend saying, "Swear to blog?" in reaction to finding out about Juno's pregnancy. Do teens really talk like this? Are they that lame or am I already jaded from only 4 months of living here?
 

acosmichippo

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#7
holy crap... i totally agree with you.

i thought the dialog was terrible, and felt like i was watching a Lifetime movie.

I will say the Gas station scene was hilarious. After that, it was all down hill.
 

psylichon

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#8
"Swear to blog?"
I'll give you that. The back and forth is too quick and play-like. But it was funny. I dunno... I guess I don't expect much from my movies these days.
 
H

Hayesimus

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#10
i didn't watch it. I don't watch bad movies. That's why Hippo and I never go to the movies together. (He doesn't have movie taste... shhhh... don't tell him i told ya so)



Also, this subject has already been covered in another movie that was actually pretty entertaining in my opinion. Saved with Mandy Moore and Macaulay Culkin. It was so funny and pretty sweet in most of the movie. Definitely should check it out. It's about a girl that gets pregnant but its more about her dealing with it in her church life so to speak. But its still a nice movie.
 

acosmichippo

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#11
you don't know if movies are bad until you watch them.
 

connie

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#13
I have Juno coming on my Netflix's next, maybe I will have such low expectations now that I may like it.
 

OJsakila

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#14
Thank goodness my brain was big enough to know better. There was never even the most remote of chances that I would ever think about going to such an idiotic movie in the first place.

Thanks again, Hollywood, for the continuing examples of unoriginal and pitifully pathetic crap you pass off as
entertainment.
 

jjvaldez

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#16
i too agree with this, i cafe. it is not the movie that people make it out to be, this is a movie that could have only happened to white people, had this happened to be a mexican or black person this movie would not have made it, as much as it sadly did..
 

callisto9

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#17
Why do I get the feeling iCafe's review of this movie was copied and pasted from somewhere else? ;)

Meh. I liked it. Of course I didn't analyze the poop out it, so maybe that's why. I'm curious for those of you who hated it, what's the best movie you've seen lately? Just curious.
 

acosmichippo

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#18
well, its shittiness had nothing to do with the race of the characters, IMO.
 

cdinca

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#20
I agree that Juno was a pretentious piece of crap. I don't necessarily mind a pretentious movie, but it has to be good.

This felt like a film student's final project...for which I would have given them an A-. But for a "real movie" it was just plain bad. The Mad TV Juno skit was way funnier than the movie.